What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
