He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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