Sry I called you an 8
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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