If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
