put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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