The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
