You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
