I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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