But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
