He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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