My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
