you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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