perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
