She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
