put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
