just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
