i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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