I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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