Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
