She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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