I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
