i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
