my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
