TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
