I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize