I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
