census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i came on her dog
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
