I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
