Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
