Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize