so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
