he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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