I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
