Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
