physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
should my penis look like a turkey
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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