Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
