I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
