She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
