If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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