Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk is a universal language darling
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
