Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
