Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ugly people sure do ruin things
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
