I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
