You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
