i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
