Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize