i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
