the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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