his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The Olympian is in my bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
