wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
