You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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