my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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