At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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