im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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