he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
