oh god the rape fog is back!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
