Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
