i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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