I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
