U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize