Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
