I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
