Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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