You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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