uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
