In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
