my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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