What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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