I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
