Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize