he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
