exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
