you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
